Feb 20, 2014

A little love

Well. It's February... I recognize that my last post was quite some time ago... Which I feel badly about, mostly because when I write the thoughts and experiences I have they sort of become real in front of my very eyes, sort of like a musical.
Oh yeah. I'm a performer.
Which has a bit to do with my post.

So this month is all about Love. 
Just for kicks, I looked up "Love" on Wikipedia and what I found was exactly what I was hoping to find: 
Love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness,compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.

The Beatles had it right... All you need is Love. 
Now, don't get me wrong, I really don't struggle loving God, people, shopping, clothes, food, scrapbooking, Pinterest-ing... So what's the point of all this jabber?

I'm gonna be real and say that I struggle so bad to love a pretty important person to love... myself. 

Now I know a lot of you feel this way some of the time. It's really sad, you know that?

I just find it really crazy that for some reason we all stray from time to time from the inherent people that we were born to be: people who know who they were and where we came from and that nothing else matters as much as that knowledge. We all seem to forget what we are all about.

In this forgetting, we start to fight with ourselves daily. We start to tell our bodies what is wrong with them, we start to insult our brains, our feelings, our actions, all because we believe we are not good enough.
For what?! 
Really the only people we are trying to please and be "enough" for is ourselves because obviously people around us love us completely and don't even think that there is something to be fixed-- or worse--insulted. 
It's just silly and needs to stop.
We are all different with different qualities. There is something beautiful about every human. 
I really believe that.
Also, when you have a friend who is feeling badly about herself, what do you do? You tell her the things you love about her, you give her compliments and take her to get a pedicure and watch a chick flik. And yet when we are feeling badly, we beat ourselves up to a pulp. Silliness. Why would our bodies/hair/brains/feelings want to be nice to us when we tirelessly are beating her down? Silliness.

Today I was in a dressing room at the mall looking for a perfect dress for the Music Dance Theater showcase that I am performing in this weekend for our (Mine and Taylor's) Major at BYU. It had to be the perfect dress so that I could look perfect and sound perfect and be perfect and be perfect.
Did I mention I wanted to be perfect?
Well, folks, I'm not perfect. I don't look perfect, sound perfect, act perfect, perform perfect... I just am me  and I do my best.
So I'm looking in the mirror and noticed my sweater had a huge heart on my chest. 
I looked at myself and I thought "You're beautiful, Bailee. I love you." 
And it was weird.
And Awesome
And sort of beautiful.

Didn't matter what size dresses I was trying on, how great  my hair looked (it did look great today since I got a bang trim), or how good I would look on stage in my performance, I am me  and that's enough. I did some poses in the bathroom and took some selfies... I needed that. 

So, to end... this quote pretty much sums it up. Let's all be nice to ourselves, eh? 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”