Nov 20, 2013

I never thought this day would come... and now I'm wondering how it came so fast.

Is it possible to have the absolute worst year and the best year at the same time?
Not sure. But I think that is what happened in the life of Tay and Bay. 
It was one year ago yesterday that my upmost dreams came true... the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. I really thought "why am I so blessed? I can't imagine my life getting any better"... little did I know that just a few hours later I would be upside down in a car, my future sister in law completely silent behind me, my fiance near death next to me.
Madie died instantly.
Taylor suffered serious back and neck injuries.
I was fine.
I was driven to Las Vegas by the kindest woman.
I met my future in laws in the hospital... they embraced me and told me they loved me.
I can't even express the gratitude I feel for all of the people that came to be by my side, by Taylor's side, by our familes' sides. And then there were the people outside of the hospital... the prayers, the messages, the calls... It was incredible. People are so good. Every single one of you has helped us in some way.
Thank you.
It was a true manifestation of charity from so many people we love. 
Now, a year later, I sit here on the couch with my handsome husband next to me. Today we have talked a lot about the past year. About his surgeries, his physical and emotional healing, my emotional healing, going back to life and trying to have "normalcy"...  trying to make sense of it all... we realize that our "normal" includes the accident. It has become such a huge part of who we are and what we believe. Losing Madie, struggling to find our "whole" again, getting to where we are today was all a part of our story, and our story is exactly the way it needed to be. 
But it does make sense. As I watched Taylor struggle to walk for the first time just 8 days after the accident I thought we would never be able to hug again. I thought we would never come out of this...
But we did. He walked, he amazed everyone with his strength, courage, perseverance.
He is my absolute hero.
Our year was not your average engaged couples' year... But it was awesome! Taylor was a rockstar. He went back to school just a few weeks after the accident. He took a pillow to every class and was the most handsome back and neck bracer wearer. We went on dates.. sometimes people stared, but we always had a good laugh about it. Taylor got strong quick and was able to perform with the Young Ambassadors, even going with them on tour to China. This year we get to perform together and will tour Southeast Asia. I was in a show, Taylor lived in Spanish Fork and was taken care of with such love and kindness from the Boothes. We made it work. I ran 2 half Marathons in honor of Madie with my amazing sister in law Rachelle and others who supported us. Taylor and I ran a 5K. Yes, Taylor ran a 5K. We planned a wedding, worked together at Summer Camps, got married, had an awesome month of vacation and lots of time with family, started school and get to be Young Ambassadors together, Taylor sang with Nathan Pacheco, and prayed in gratitude for the beautiful life we have every single day. 
As I browsed through the pictures today of the past year, I realized that Taylor and I got to fall in love again. We got to go back and begin again as the new people we had become as a result of our experiences. 
It is so beautiful.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about that day one year ago. We miss Madie everyday.

I wonder why Madie had to go, why Heavenly Father needed her more than we did. I wonder what could have been different, how we could have changed it... but then I realize that we couldn't have. No one could have. It was all a part of this puzzle that is our life together. 
Here are a few memories from this past year...

We are so blessed and happy. 


  1. WOW! What a crazy and sad and powerful and amazing story! I can't even imagine the mix of emotions you must have felt in that single day! Glad I stumbled across this post.

    xo, Han

  2. I just came across this post that I missed in all the getting through the anniversary somehow. It is beautiful to read and remember all that has happened. Lovely wonderful thoughts about the journey.
    Love you both so much,