A sort of kind of crazy little couple of weeks.

This week was such a needed, relaxing, fun, family oriented week! We were able to go to Houston for the Thanksgiving Holiday. It was a treat, for sure. There was a lot of sleep, much needed sleep, good times with our Morris familia, lots of games, movies, and FOOD. So much yummy food thanks to Jo Mama and her culinary skills.  We ran for Madie on Thanksgiving. It was so wonderful.  Taylor won the 5K. Of course. We went to the temple as a family.  We had a blast.  The week before, we spent the weekend in Kanab and Monticello with Young Ambassadors. I tell you what... It was really crazy and weird to be back in Kanab almost exactly a year after the accident But oh so awesome. We got to chat with several people who helped us that day, including Harriet, Dr. Bowman who took care of us in the Kanab hospital, and many others who had either seen it, been there, or heard about it. It was really incredible. My birthday was the 24th, the day we came back from Monitcello and Taylor was the best.  He catered to me. Made me dinner. Dressed up all handsome for dinner.  I wore PJs. Wrote me a love letter. Got me some awesome boots. Had a bunch of friends surprise me. Oh, and remember that one time we went to Michael Buble.  And Michael Buble touched me. He's the best guy... Taylor... not Michael. I'm the luckiest.

I never thought this day would come... and now I'm wondering how it came so fast.

Is it possible to have the absolute worst year and the best year at the same time? Not sure. But I think that is what happened in the life of Tay and Bay.  It was one year ago yesterday that my upmost dreams came true... the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. I really thought "why am I so blessed? I can't imagine my life getting any better"... little did I know that just a few hours later I would be upside down in a car, my future sister in law completely silent behind me, my fiance near death next to me. Madie died instantly. Taylor suffered serious back and neck injuries. I was fine. I was driven to Las Vegas by the kindest woman. I met my future in laws in the hospital... they embraced me and told me they loved me. I can't even express the gratitude I feel for all of the people that came to be by my side, by Taylor's side, by our familes' sides. And then there were the people outside of the hospital... the prayers, the messages, the calls... It was incredible. People are so good. Every single one of you has helped us in some way. Thank you. It was a true manifestation of charity from so many people we love.  Now, a year later, I sit here on the couch with my handsome husband next to me. Today we have talked a lot about the past year. About his surgeries, his physical and emotional healing, my emotional healing, going back to life and trying to have "normalcy"...  trying to make sense of it all... we realize that our "normal" includes the accident. It has become such a huge part of who we are and what we believe. Losing Madie, struggling to find our "whole" again, getting to where we are today was all a part of our story, and our story is exactly the way it needed to be.  But it does make sense. As I watched Taylor struggle to walk for the first time just 8 days after the accident I thought we would never be able to hug again. I thought we would never come out of this... But we did. He walked, he amazed everyone with his strength, courage, perseverance. He is my absolute hero. Our year was not your average engaged couples' year... But it was awesome! Taylor was a rockstar. He went back to school just a few weeks after the accident. He took a pillow to every class and was the most handsome back and neck bracer wearer. We went on dates.. sometimes people stared, but we always had a good laugh about it. Taylor got strong quick and was able to perform with the Young Ambassadors, even going with them on tour to China. This year we get to perform together and will tour Southeast Asia. I was in a show, Taylor lived in Spanish Fork and was taken care of with such love and kindness from the Boothes. We made it work. I ran 2 half Marathons in honor of Madie with my amazing sister in law Rachelle and others who supported us. Taylor and I ran a 5K. Yes, Taylor ran a 5K. We planned a wedding, worked together at Summer Camps, got married, had an awesome month of vacation and lots of time with family, started school and get to be Young Ambassadors together, Taylor sang with Nathan Pacheco, and prayed in gratitude for the beautiful life we have every single day.  As I browsed through the pictures today of the past year, I realized that Taylor and I got to fall in love again. We got to go back and begin again as the new people we had become as a result of our experiences.  It is so beautiful. Not a day goes by that I don't think about that day one year ago. We miss Madie everyday.

I wonder why Madie had to go, why Heavenly Father needed her more than we did. I wonder what could have been different, how we could have changed it... but then I realize that we couldn't have. No one could have. It was all a part of this puzzle that is our life together.  Here are a few memories from this past year...

We are so blessed and happy.   

Well...

I really am going to come back to this world of blogging. Feeling good about it  Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Courage: Bay getting personal.

Bay here. Yesterday was my last day teaching at the Missionary Training Center. I have had the opportunity of teaching Sister Missionaries called to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ  at Visitors Center's around the world for the past 6 months. It has been nothing short of amazing. I have realized a lot about who I am, and more especially who I want to be and become by learning from these wonderful missionaries and from sharing my understanding of Gospel truths with them. This past week, with the first Rose Runners  race and the 7 month mark since the best and the worst day of my life, a lot of pondering and thinking occurred. I thought about the accident. I thought about Madie. I thought about Taylor and how I thought I was going to lose him. I thought of his miraculous survival and his even more miraculous healing process and how he inspires others daily.  I thought of who we have become as a result of this trial. We are better, stronger, closer to each other and to our Father in Heaven, and have a completely different outlook on life.  So, back to the MTC. Yesterday, I had a couple of the sisters teach me as a "Visitor". These are always good experiences and so, of course, I was expecting nothing less than feeling inspired to change and to be better as a result of their teaching and our sharing.  They shared this video with me. 

I remembered when I had to be courageous. "You don't ever realize how strong you are until being strong is all you have left..."

Those words from that video rang so true to me as I remembered the crash... remember having no choice but to act and to act quickly. I knew Madie was gone, but Taylor... Taylor could live... I had to act. Courage.
I've never  thought of myself as a courageous person, but I don't think one thinks of themselves as courageous until, just like the above quote, you really have no other option but to have courage. In fact, I would say that a lot of my life has been spent thinking about things that I am NOT... I hate to even admit that here... but it is true. That thinking has changed. We are all children of God, and we are all a huge compilation of a lot of good things... When Taylor refers to the accident, he always says "Bailee saved my life." Each time he says it, I get chills down my spine because it seems crazy to think that I, with the help of the spirit and some serious guidance, did know exactly what to do to help him breathe, to help him live.  Was it courage?   Yes, I think it was.   I didn't freak out or give up or act weak. I was strong, capable, and I was not going to let him die.  And he didn't. He lived to tell this story and inspire others. He lived to help Madie live on in our hearts, minds, and sore muscles (Rose Runners for life) All the time people ask how I did that... how I handled that situation in the way that I did... "You don't ever realize how strong you are until being strong is all you have left..."
That pretty much sums it up.
I have to say, feeling strong, capable, courageous... definitely not words I used to use to describe myself... But now, I recognize that it is OK to feel strong, capable, and courageous.  I wish I could have saved Madie. I wish it so badly. Maybe Madie dying was an opportunity for a lot more people than just myself to show courage. She is giving us courage daily.  What is the point of this!? We can ALL show courage in our daily tasks, trials, demons, joys, happiness', struggles... all it takes it just deciding to believe that we are courageous. 
 

We don't need to wait until we are faced with a scary thing to show courage, we can show courage in our daily decisions, actions, and how we choose to face the trials that inevitably come in our path.  Courage. 

Doctrine & Covenants 122:7-8

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee ^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

 8 The ^aSon of Man hath ^bdescended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

Becoming a Rose Runner

A lot of you have hopefully been able to learn about RoseRunners from facebook, instagram, and by word of mouth. It is such an amazing thing that we are now a part of! We hope you all get involved. Click here to learn more.

 The first official RoseRunners race was this past weekend in American Fork. Madeline and Rachelle (Taylor's older sister) had set a goal to do a half marathon together a while back, and with the passing of Madie in our car accident, Rachelle (I will call her Ro) decided to take that goal and (quite literally) run with it. RoseRunners is going to be a source for hope for a lot of people who are struggling, like Taylor, to pay outrageously high medical bills or, like all of us, are grieving from a loss and have no where to turn.

 The first fundraising campaign for RoseRunners is for Ro's younger brother Taylor, who happens to be the love of my life.

 When Ro first introduced the idea, we decided we would run together in the American Fork Half Marathon June 15th. Ro and I ran practically the entire race side by side, holding hands cross the finish line.

 Let me tell you about my future sister in law, Ro Ro.

 She is amazing. She is the type of woman that would never allow the word "mediocrity" to be in her vocabulary unless she were referring to something she would never be.

 And she's not.

Here is Ro and I

 Ro is inspiring, driven, powerful, and an incredibly kind and compassionate woman. I am so lucky to be able to be her sister in less than 6 weeks! Running with Ro was nothing short of awesome. I wouldn't dream of stopping, because I know that Ro would not let me give up.

 That is why Ro was Madie's hero. She was everything Madie aspired to be and Ro helped her become everything she was and continues to be. Now, Rachelle is the leader and head of the non profit organization in honor of her beautiful sister Madie. And we need all of your help to get this going and to be the source of hope we all know it will become. 

 The race was a blast. Emotionally and physically draining, but we did it and we did it with our heads held high. (Ro's head a little higher than mine as I struggled to keep up with that powerhouse of a woman). My best friend and Roomate, Cici,and one of Madie's friends Shannon ran with us wearing a #tayandbay shirt and I can't tell you how much it meant to have them with us. We did it for Madie and we did it for Taylor. It's amazing how much easier running is when there is a purpose behind it.

 Why should we do this for Taylor? 

 Because he is the absolute most inspiring individual I have ever met. 

He lost a lot on November 20th. He lost his younger sister whom he loved dearly, he lost his ability to move easily, the opportunity to do what he loved in performing with the Young Ambassadors for a time, and became 300+ thousand dollars in debt... and yet, with everything he has lost and what he knew had now had to face, he has not failed to smile, give, serve, and love with all he has. He healed, and continues to heal, quickly because he decided to. He performed with the Young Ambassadors in China only 6 months after having a near death experience and suffering major injury. He is a person of valor, courage, faith, and christlike love. I can't believe I get to spend forever with him. RoseRunners is helping Taylor get back on his feet.

 Taylor and I are thrilled to be a part of RoseRunners and we will continue to be a part of it, giving back and helping others just like we have been helped. Taylor plans on walking the 5k on July 24th while Ro and I tie up our laces yet again for the Pioneer Day Half in Salt Lake City. Join us, support the cause

 and be inspired.

                                                  
                               
                               

Bye Bye Braces...Hello movement!

Taylor here,
I've returned from touring through China with the BYU Young Ambassadors, and somewhere along the line... the brace fell off and I never put it back on! That doesn't mean I've started doing back flips again or anything of the sort, but it's another step on the way back to normalcy. Even if I never return to where I was, I'm certainly excited to move towards a new normal. 
I went swimming today to celebrate Memorial Day, and by "swimming" I mean slowly walking into a pool and dunking my head a few times. I did a few of the movement exercises that I was given in physical therapy while I was in the pool, and the added resistance of the water made the twisting exercises a little tricky. Outside of the pool, I mowed the lawn and worked out for a while, all this morning before 9 am. It's incredible how an injury like this (and doing basically nothing physical for 6 months) really takes a toll on your muscles. I did 3 sets of 15 push-ups from my knees and used my computer bag to do various types of bicep curls. 
On a different, and much more important note, my sister, Rachelle, has started a non-profit organization called Rose Runners that has really taken off. With Rose Runners, running is more than a sport... you are running for a reason. My younger sister, Madeline Rose, who departed from this world just over 6 months ago in the same car crash that nearly took my life, loved to run! She never ran track or cross country, and she definitely never ran a marathon. She was just your average runner, but she loved it! Rose Runners is designed to raise money to help those who, through tragedy, have overwhelming debt. Right now, Rose Runners still focusing on getting Bailee and I out from underneath the weight of my medical bills. We've had tons of people help us out in remarkable ways and who have given very gracious amounts, but with over $300,00.00 still unaccounted for, we're running out of options. I'm still communicating with the hospitals and trying to work things out, but who knows what the outcome will be.
There are tons of races (5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon) going on around the country, and no matter where you live, you can be apart of Rose Runners. One of the best ways to help is to become a Fund Raising Captain and head things up for the race of your choice. Talk with your friends, family, and coworkers to let them know what you're doing. Tell them you're going to be running in a race and that you're running in memory of Madie, and supporting a great cause at the same time. People can run with you, or they support you in your run by giving you a couple dollars for each mile you run. By raising money and running in the race or if you are a supporter of someone else running, you can get you very own Rose Runner or #tayandbay active wear shirt to wear while running.
Find our more at http://roserunners.org/
My goal is to get well enough to run/walk a half marathon at the end of this season!
Let's run together. Let's cheer for each other. Let's make a difference!
Tay

I am a Rose Runner. And it's DEFINITELY more than a sport.

I am so pumped about this everyone. I hope you will all get involved. Running has become such a huge part of my life, and I am so excited that it is now with a cause and a reason. I, along with many others, will be running a half marathon in honor of Taylor and Madie as the first official "Rose Runners" race. Check it out at www.roserunners.org I am hoping do get as many people as I can to sponsor me by donating a dollar for every mile I run, so 13 dollars.  If you want to get involved or become a Rose Runner yourself, visit: http://fundly.com/bailee-brinkerhoff-roserunners-tayandbay-campaign This is amazing. You will want to get involved, I promise.  When you go through something like we have, the only thing we can do is find purpose and reason to keep going and giving back. I really believe that Rose Runners is just the thing. Madie, this is for you. Thank you for helping us all find something to keep us going.  And to stay in shape :)

The day everything changed… from the happiest, to the saddest... and the perfect way of things.

Today marks 6 months since the happiest day of my life.

And tomorrow, at 6:00 A.M. marks the saddest day of my life.

And tomorrow is Madie’s 19^th birthday. She died at exactly 18 ½ years of age.

It is still really difficult to wrap my mind around how quickly Taylor and I went from being completely elated, on cloud 9 and feeling that nothing in the world could bring us back to earth. Even on our engagement video I shouted the words “It’s perfect!” as Taylor gave me the 6 dollar temporary Kohls ring and asked me to spend eternity with him.

But then, 6 hours later, we literally crashed to the earth, our world shattered, and the glass everywhere to prove it. Madie died instantly in the crash, and Taylor was severely injured. People have asked how I managed to handle that scene, and all I know to say in response is: “God. He guided me through every step. God helped me every second of the way.”

And now, 6 months has gone by faster than I thought possible, and at the very same time, slower than I thought possible. So much has happened that it is indescribeable to try and put into words. But what I do know is that Heavenly Father knows us and has helped us, again, every second of the way. Taylor and I were talking at the 5 month mark about what we had learned, and Taylor’s response was absolutely perfect. “I wouldn’t trade it for what I have learned and who we have become.” I agree. Heavenly Father will never allow a tragedy to befall, a trial to endure, or a difficult challenge to leave us high and dry with no where to turn. He IS there. The difficult challenges we find ourselves in truly can be an opportunity to become who He needs us to become. It doesn't make the trial any less difficult, but provides light to a seemingly dark and frustrating path. 

The biggest thing I have learned, though, is that it can STILL be perfect. It just looks different. The "perfect" moment of our engagement was definitely what we might consider perfection. But I have come to learn that each day is perfect, filled with ups and downs and everything in between, but still perfect. It is all a part of this glorious plan we are a part of and we have the ability to make each day an absolutely perfect day, even if it doesn't look perfect in the moment... eventually, it will all come together into a perfect puzzle where each piece, whether light or dark, has a purpose and is needed to make a beautiful picture. 

However, it is still extremely difficult to understand why sweet, beautiful, Madie had to leave this earth and return to her Heavenly Home. This world was better because of her, and now we are all left to try and fill the void that she left. I struggle when I talk to the Morris family to have the words to adequately describe how incredibly sorry I am that this happened. All I know is that I was there, the images in my mind are as real as day, and I can say without a doubt that all of this happened for a reason.

It is always a weird feeling to come up on the anniversary each month… I feel a sense of wanting to understand more than I do now, but I also can say that what I wished I understood 6 months ago I understand more now… So, with that in mind, I hope that in 6 more months more light and understanding has come.

We are on this earth to experience joy, and this is a principle that Taylor continues to live by every single day. He is such an example to me of finding joy in the journey, no matter what bumps (literally) come in the way. I am catching on, slowly but surely to the wonderful life that living in joy can be. We often talk about how incredible blessed we have been over the last 6 months. We have grown in ways unimaginable. We are so grateful. There is so much to be joyful about, and I hope we always try and feel the joy that we are on this earth to feel!

Happy 6 months of our engagement to my Taylor. The most wonderful guy in the entire world. He is my everything, my other half, my stalwart, my best friend, my laughter, my joy… I can’t believe I am lucky enough to spend eternity with him.

And a birthday note for Madie:

Madie…

It is still incredibly weird that you are not around. I love remembering our dance parties in the car, grocery shopping, game nights, spending time the three of us, visiting you and your roommates in her apartment, and many talks we had together. You are a light. You will forever be a light in this world that misses you so dearly. We are trying to make it better, the way you did… help us along, will you? I am trying to be more like you… trying to be more like our Savior, just like you. I am learning to understand what is most important, and believe it or not, that change and shift in my life is completely because of you. Thank you. I miss you, Taylor misses you, we all miss you. Take care of things up there until we all figure out enough of our earthly experience to be privileged to join you. Love you Madeline Rose.

The greatest mothers I know.

I know a lot of really fantastic, loving, beautiful, and strong mothers. Many of those mothers have influenced me in ways I cannot even explain! I have 3 sisters who are all three brilliant, dedicated, fun, and faithful mothers. I have "2nd Moms" who step in when Mom can't be there and help me with Mom-type things. (you know who you are) I have examples of women and mothers all around who set an incredible standard of  faith, kindness, hard work, humility, strength, and most of all, faith. These mothers deserve a lot of things. Most of all, they deserve recognition, and a sincere "thank you".  And probably a day with no cooking or cleaning and maybe some flowers. There are 2 moms in particular that I would feel completely ashamed if I didn't recognize personally on this Mothers Day. They deserve more than I could ever even try to offer them, and they have blessed me more than they will ever know.  Meet: JoLynn Morris and Darlene Brinkerhoff

JoLynn Morris is a woman of extremely high caliber. In less than 3 months, I will be lucky enough to have her as my Mother in Law.  I can't even try to express how grateful I am for this woman. The first time I met JoLynn was in a hospital. Her daughter had died and her son was in a hospital bed barely able to speak. She embraced me and said so many words of comfort, an absolute portrayal of the Christlike love this beautiful woman exemplified. I felt loved immediately from a Woman who should not have had the energy to express that kind of love.  I knew that JoLynn was a fantastic woman and mother by the way Madie and Taylor talked about her. I loved hearing them brag about her skills, talents, and just the quirky, amazing woman she is. I will never forget Taylor, tubes coming out of his body, glued to a hospital bed and in so much pain saying "You're the best mom in the world." Taylor loves his Mom, as do the rest of the Morris clan. She has been through more than any mother should have to experience, and yet she is faithful and recognizes God's hand in her life day to day.  JoLynn: Thank you. Thank you for raising the perfect son who I love with all of my heart. Thank you for raising beautiful children in faith and kindness. Thank you for being an example of enduring through trials with faith and an eye upward. Thank you for loving me and for being my friend. Thank you for allowing Heavenly Father to inspire you daily: it is inspiring the rest of us. You are strong, and I admire you in so many ways. I love you future Momma in Law! 

And then there is my Mom.  Where to even begin?  Mom.... You are incredible.  Sometimes I can't believe all of the people you manage to love, serve and cheer-up every single day.  You are strong, loving, faithful, funny (sometimes :) ), and you have extremely good taste (sometimes :)  Thank you for being an example to me of diligently striving to do everything you can for your children.  I want to be that kind of mother.  Thank you for putting up with my ridiculous-ness. I want to be that kind of mother. Thank you for always being there when I want to talk, for always asking, and for letting me be quiet when I'm not quite ready. I want to be that kind of mother. Thank you for raising us children in faith and everything that is good. I want to be that kind of mother. Thank you for loving Dad. Enough said. I want to be that kind of mother. Thank you for helping us all. ALL. THE. TIME. I want to be that kind of mother.  Thank you for always providing a home where anyone is welcome, any time, any day, under any circumstance. I always loved knowing that everyone knew they were welcome in our home. I want to be that kind of mother. Thank you for teaching me so many things. You are the best teacher I know! I want to be that kind of mother. Mom, do you understand how awesome you are!? You are truly the awesomest. I love you more than I can say. To all of the Mothers who have inspired me, helped me, guided me,  been a shoulder for me to cry on, a person to laugh with, eat with, shop with, and learn with. You all have been a huge part of my life. Please know how grateful I am for you!